Coaching Your Loved One How to Say No

Dating raises all kinds of topics for discussion. Most are fine, and allow people to learn about each other. But some topics may cause your loved one to feel uncomfortable or unsafe. It’s important they understand that everyone has a right to say no or to not answer a question.

Teach them to trust their feelings

Tell your loved one their feelings and choices are valid. It’s important they hear this firmly and clearly from you. If a question or comment from their date doesn’t feel right to them, your loved one can say, “I would rather not answer that” or “Can we change the subject?” This will typically shift the conversation elsewhere. If it comes up again, they may need to repeat themselves more firmly.

Teach them topics to avoid

Just like you want your loved one not to feel pressured to talk about something that makes them feel uncomfortable, you also want to help them understand what questions and topics they shouldn’t ask their date. Examples of topics that may make someone feel uncomfortable include:

• Personal finances and money
• Private or sensitive family matters
• Requests for personal information 
• Past relationships or romantic experiences

Teach them when to absolutely say “no”

There are some situations when your loved one absolutely must say no to someone, including when:

• They feel unsafe
• They feel like someone is crossing a boundary
• They’re just not comfortable
• Someone is touching them without their consent

Teach them it’s okay to leave

Your loved one’s safety and comfort is paramount. If for any reason they feel uncomfortable or unsafe, they should express their feelings clearly and firmly. If questions persist, they should leave. If discomfort persists, they should leave. 

Practice, practice, practice!

These can be tricky situations, so it’s important to role play with your loved one. The more your loved one can practice saying “no”—to everything from easy, harmless questions to more overt pressures—the more confident they will become. And it’s very, very important they learn to be comfortable saying “no.” 

You got this—and so do they!